i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
