Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
