so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
