I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
