I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
