Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
