I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
