About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
