the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
