Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
