Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
