White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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