he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
