it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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