you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
