After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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they call him Oral-B. enough said
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just had sex on a roof
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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