I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well I just put wine in my tea
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
