the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
