This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
