me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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