I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
