I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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