peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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