I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
