she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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