i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
