you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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