your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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