and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
