Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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