So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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