1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
