you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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