maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
