Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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