..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think my moral compass just broke
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize