He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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