I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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