it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
