Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
