The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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