Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
