Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
