Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
