Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
