ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
