I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
