I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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