Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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