Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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