So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
