There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
