I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
