Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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