remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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