This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
