I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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