im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
