Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
