I'm so fucking centered right now
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
