On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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