You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
